Speaking Up, Calling Out
By Maggie McTernan, programme co-ordinator at Elect Her
Laura Bates begins her book Fix the system, not the women with a personal list of her experiences of sexism, from the routine lessons in gender stereotyping, through everyday sexism and verbal harassment to sexual assault. The experiences on her list go back to early childhood, but she only began to think of them as a list when three occurred in one week, which prompted her to join the dots. She then started asking other women about their experiences. They were generally able to supply a list without much effort, but they were also surprised about being asked. Bates observed, “very often they said ‘I’ve never told anyone’. When I asked why, the response was almost universal: ‘because it’s normal’” (Bates 2022, 9).
I thought of this as I have listened to the reporting of the experience of the Spanish World Cup winner, Jenni Hermoso. She is seen at the end of the game being kissed on the lips by Luis Rubiales, president of the Spanish FA. Hermoso has stated that she didn’t consent to the kiss, that she has been put under pressure by the Spanish FA to put out a statement defending Rubiales, and that this incident is part of a wider culture that has been ongoing for years. The Spanish FA, far from supporting Hermoso, has stood behind Rubiales and defended his behaviour. As I have followed the story, I am left wondering if Hermoso would have reported the incident if it had not been captured on camera, or whether she would have put up with it as just another unpleasant but normal part of life.
I suspect if you take a moment you can think of some moments for your list – when you’ve been treated differently from the men in the room, when you’ve been talked over or ignored, or that look, word, or touch, that left you feeling horrible. And I suspect you can also think of the ways you’ve managed these incidents – a laugh or a smile to gloss over the moment, finding someone else who will listen, making sure you are not with that man on your own. You know things shouldn’t be this but sometimes it’s understandably easier to manage the situation rather than challenge it. Women are expected to be nice, not to make a fuss or get angry. And if you speak up about the man who is creating the problem, you risk becoming the “problem”.
This is magnified for women in public life, as we have seen in Jenni Hermoso’s experience. Her decision to speak up about Rubiales’ behaviour has become the subject of international conversation – why didn’t she speak up before, why didn’t she push him away? I share your frustration as you hear comments such as these. Why didn’t she speak up? Because he was a senior person in the organisation she works for, because he could have ended her career if he wanted, with his influence. Why didn’t she push him away? Because in the moment, we often don’t know quite what to do about an experience that makes us uncomfortable, and the safest thing can be to let it happen and then get out of the situation.
All of this is depressingly familiar to women in politics. The power of influence within political parties is huge, and women are often relying on the man who is ignoring, harassing, or abusing her, or on his allies, to progress her own career. Women in politics are expected to behave like “good” women – not making a fuss, being nice to people even if they are not nice to them, and putting the good of the party before their own good. And if women do speak up they are too often told by handwringing party officers that it’s just her word against his, that there’s nothing that can be done if she doesn’t make a complaint. And yet, when complaints are made and the behaviour is brought into the open, as with the case of Geraint Davies MP earlier this year, it comes out that it has been an open secret within the party.
Women deserve better. We deserve not to have to navigate our workplace around casual sexism and the risk of harassment or abuse. We deserve to be heard when we speak up about these things. And we deserve the support of our political parties when we speak up about sexist cultures, and when we complain about harassment or abuse. It’s tiring to keep speaking up about these things, but it takes the courage of women speaking up to begin the system change that we need to see.
If you speak out about sexist behaviours in your party, you may face a backlash from some of those around you, but you will also find, just as Jenni Hermoso has found, that there are also many people who will lift you up. You have friends and family who will support you. You have women’s networks in your party who can advise you on your way forward. And you have your community here at Elect Her who are with you.